The C word..oh how I hate that word and all it encompasses. I have heard that word far to often in my family and it has taken the lives of those I love without mercy, without discrimination even taking my lovely cousin at the age of 29.
Two years ago that black cloud again loomed over my families heads when we received the news that my dad had cancer..my dad..let me tell you about my dad..strong as an ox, 6'3 230 lbs, the matriarch of the family..my rock. Well my rock was brought down that day but was determined to fight it and do what he could to make sure it didn't take him like it took the others. He underwent risky surgery, so risky in fact that my mom, brother, sister and I all said our good byes to him before he had surgery because his chances of survival were slim. The morning of the surgery was very gloomy, not only in our hearts but outside as well...rainy, gray..cold. Dad went in for the surgery and 2 hours later the dr. came in to tell us that not only did dad survive but that he felt he got all the cancer...YIPEE!!! we all cried and laughed at the same time it was such a feeling of joy and relief..I still had my dad, I wasn't ready to lose him yet. Dad came home a week later to balloons and cards and phone calls from our very loving family all so happy they hadn't lost uncle charlie. Well this feeling lasted until his 6 month check up when we received some devastating news that the cancer had come back..."But" the dr. said although there are no more operations to be had the cancer is small and you(charlie) could die of old age before the cancer takes you..so as much as the news was not what we wanted it wasn't a death sentence so we go on with life as best as we can...
Summer time rolled in and my parents were planning their retirement years so they decided to buy what they have always wanted..a fifth wheel and lease a lot on a lake..all was great..Until...June 2 and dad was waiting impatiently for his fifth wheel to be delivered when the man who was delivering it called and said he was a bit lost..but would find his way..well patience was never my dads strong suit so he decided to go and find him...
40 min later and no dad back, the man with the fifth wheel pulled up...but no dad "Where the hell is dad"...we called my mom to see if she had heard.."NO"...The phone rings, and this is what I heard
"Your dad has been in a serious car accident and is in the hospital"....."NOOOOOO!!!!"
We race down and see my dad lying there in a drug induced coma, bloody, half his ear torn off, his head swollen so much it didn't even look like my dad...he went into surgery and when he came out of surgery he remained in a coma..for 16 days..we took turns by his bed side coaxing him to please be ok and come back to us, that we loved him so much and wanted him to try to live...he woke up on the 16th day but wasn't out of the woods and wasn't making a whole lot of sense but there was that hope again..or was it just his will to live, for the next 24 days he focused on coming home..he couldn't talk or walk well and he didn't make much sense..but what he did know is he wanted to come home..and that is what he repeated day in and day out..."HOME"..on the 40th day he came home. The first few weeks were great, he was happy to be home, but then the depression sunk in and the side effects I think of the pills, and the fact of what he just went through and that he couldn't do all the things that this strong man used to do..well that was 11 months ago now and he has been on an emotional roller coaster ever since. It has been really hard for us, but it is even harder for him...But it isn't over..oh no
Today we received another blow to our hearts...he has been having a lot of pain lately and we were hoping it was because he took up golf again and he just had some muscle soreness...OH NO OF COURSE NOT..
His Cancer has spread and is now in his bones...stage 4...FUCK!!!!
Now we wait until the 20th to see what the prognosis is.. and he says he will keep fighting...he doesn't want to leave his family...
I moved away from my family (but that is another story) but not because I necessarily wanted to and not to far, but far enough that I can't hug him and that is really hard right now but I will manifest the resources somehow that I need to go home and see him often...But he is a fighter...I have no doubt he will fight hard...I am thinking positive thoughts for him..but I am afraid he may be getting tired and I don't blame him..
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